Saturday, February 16, 2008

Stealing from Xander - 10 worst bands ever

Posted to my LJ on Feb. 11th, 2008 at 1:32 PM

My buddy bobbymcscooter posted about his 10 worst bands, and it inspired me to write my own. So here it is...

The 10 worst bands - in my humble opinion

#10) Jack Johnson – His first song (“Flake”) was sort of neat because it was different and a little folky, but alternative. And then every single song after that sounded EXACTLY THE SAME! That same annoying little acoustic guitar riff. Shows what having a friend like Ben Harper in the music biz can do for you.

#9) Limp Bizkit – Two words: Fred Durst. One of the most clueless and egomaniacal people in music. He did it all for the nookie. That says it all. Too bad Wes Borland got caught in that web.

#8) Nickelback – I have liked a few of their songs, but I am almost immediately overwhelmed by their mediocrity; their formulaic, crowd-pleasing melodies and simplistic lyrics. They sing about nothing. And when they DO sing about something (“If Everyone Cared”) it’s utterly trite! Chad Kroeger is killing pop music singlehandedly.

#7) Starship – What did they think, third name change is a charm?! All you have to do is listen to “We Built This City” or “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”. Horrible 80’s crap!

#6) Damn Yankees – The “supergroup” featuring Ted Nugent, Tommy Shaw of Styx and…that other guy. The One-Hit Wonder Supergroup. They only did one song that got any airplay and it was only because there was a video with it and people were just curious about what these three looked like together.

#5) Warrant – Jani Lane. Cherry Pie. Early 90’s hair band fluff. Fake metal.

#4) 311 – I can’t even take a couple of notes of these guys before clicking the button to change the station. So very blah. Mellow pseudo-reggae. Dell said it best when mocking the song “Come Original”: “Not original, no we are not original…”

#3) Poison – Come on. Do I even have to explain why? They were a glam makeup band. Bret Michaels sings through his nose and is breathy and over-dramatic. “Every Rose Has It’s Thorns” makes me want to vomit every time I hear it. And an extra strike against him because ‘Rock of Love’ was a sham and it is now in its second season.

#2) Savatage/Trans-Siberian Orchestra – Savatage was a theatre-rock band, making self-proclaimed rock-operas. Just writing that sentence makes my skim crawl! Well one of the two founding brothers was killed and the other rejoined the band and kept it going, even though the dead brother was the soul of the band. They wrote “Christmas Eve Sarajevo 12/24” and put it on a their second rock opera album called “Dead Winter Dead”. The song was a huge hit and so they wrote the rest of an album and recorded it with an orchestra. To sum it all up, they had more success as a Christmas-themed orchestra than as a cheesy theatre-rock metal band. So Savatage is no more. I can’t stand their music, either the band or the orchestra. Ironically, my ex-husband is a HUGE fan. Any correlation there? I wonder….

#1) Kanye West – I cannot put into words the intense dislike I have for him. I know technically he is not a “band” but I had to list him, and list him as FIRST. He has such a huge chip on his shoulder, such a feeling of entitlement and self-importance. From the very moment he released his first album, critically acclaimed or not, he was saying in public that he was the best artist in the world. That, and the fact that he is a flaming racist just rubs me the wrong way. I don’t think his music sounds much different than a lot of other stuff that is coming out right now. He is not doing anything DIFFERENT. My vindication comes from country star Vince Gill, who last night when receiving his Grammy from Ringo Starr said to Kanye, who was in the front row, “I just had an award given to me by a Beatle. Have you had that happen yet, Kanye?” The whole audience cheered, much to my delight! Maybe someone else is hip to his ridiculous audacity and is getting tired of it too. I now love Vince Gill! I need to write him a love letter.

Honorable Mention: Red Hot Chili Peppers – They used to be good, back when they were on drugs (it’s sad but true.) They were also good when Dave Navarro joined them for one album - that they oddly enough barely acknowledge anymore, it’s like they disavow any connection to that album. I like Higher Ground. Of course, it’s a Stevie Wonder song, so they already had that going for them. I dunno. All their recent songs make no sense; they’re just rhyming nonsensical words sung in syncopation with trippy guitar parts. Woo. Big whoop. They annoy me. A lot.

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