Thursday, July 10, 2008

Top Movies Meme

Here's Entertainment Weekly's list of the top movies of the last 25 years. Go through their list and BOLD the ones you have seen, ITALICIZE those you love/would watch over and over again, STRIKE OUT those you dislike strongly or really would rather never see again.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)

4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
9. Die Hard (1988)
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)

11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
12. The Matrix (1999)
13. GoodFellas (1990)

14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006)
20. The Lion King (1994)
21. Schindler's List (1993)

22. Rushmore (1998) (I can’t even believe this movie made the list!!!)
23. Memento (2001)
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)

26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Aliens (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988)
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
32. Fight Club (1999)
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996)
35. The Incredibles (2004)
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
37. Pretty Woman (1990)

38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)
40. Speed (1994)

41. Dazed and Confused (1993)
42. Clueless (1995)
43. Gladiator (2000)

44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988)
46. Children of Men (2006)
47. Men in Black (1997)

48. Scarface (1983)
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
53. The Truman Show (1998)
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
55. Risky Business (1983)

56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There's Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984)
59. L.A. Confidential (1997)
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)

64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)

69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)
72. Thelma & Louise (1991)

73. Office Space (1999)
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)
82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)

86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napolean Dynamite (2004)
91. Back to the Future (1985)

92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

(Just a side note, can do this IN LiveJournal. The two tabs on the left end of the window where you write your post say RICH TEXT and HTML. Choose the one that says RICH TEXT and it gives you a toolbar at the top with which you can choose font size, bold, italics, underline, strikethrough and a handful of other options too, a la MS Word.)

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

A little self-important today...

am cursed to work with idiots.

If you are a computer support person, would you go to someone's computer and while you were there working on it, change all the visual views to be how you liked them? Would you change how the folders are displayed, how items are listed in the folders, how the menu looks?

Here's a better question. How would you feel if your computer support person did that to you on your PC when they came to work on it?????? Probably a little pissed off that everything looks different now, right? What if you didn't know how to change things back the way they were? What if you only knew how to find folders well if they were in a list, as opposed to a large, graphically intensive page of icons? What if the "My Computer" icon was no longer listed in your Start menu and you didn't know how to find it?

This is the kind of stupid shit I have to deal with every day. When you are getting a PC ready so that it can be copied and used for everyone else's PC in the building.....KEEP YOUR PERSONAL VIEWING PREFERENCES OFF THE DAMN PC!!!! I don't care if you live in the 1990's and want to see the Windows Classic Menus, colors and Folder Views. DON'T PUT THEM ON THE PROFILE WE WILL BE COPYING!!! Fuhchrissake!!!

Thursday, June 19, 2008


Weird dreams (can't remember any today, but I remember waking up last night thinking WTF?!)
Work frustration (more evidence that SysAdmin is just bluffing his way through stuff.)
New partnership (a friend at work and I are going to work together on something.)
Nice weather (even the thunderstorms have been cool!)
Sore neck (not sure what the heck this is about, but I have had a sore neck from sleeping for days.)
New Nine Inch Nails album (The Slip - WOOT!)
Co-worker rants (my co-worker came at me this morning with a fistful of rants, with which I sympathize, but it was just discouraging.)
Mountain Dew Voltage is ok, nothing great (my sweetie got a free 12 pack.)
New bras rock (I feel buoyant.)
Lots of things to do in and to my house - need to organize them tonight (yeah, that.)
Reflecting on fun from the weekend (SKRF - had a great time and lots of fun and I am oddly looking forward to the event even though I am scripting.)
A helpful lesson in terminal services (from a geek friend - he taught me stuff that was VITAL and just cleared a whole bunch up for me!)
A disappointing answer (my job position does not require a salary revaluation because we are in line with the other IT positions here.)
Feeling hungry (I think it's time for lunch!)

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Today's thoughts...

First thought happened while I was at lunch with my fellow computer geeks here at work. We have a monthly interdepartmental meeting for all the computer people in each department. This month was the annual barbecue, since school is out and things are slightly slower for IT folks here. So there I am, waiting in line to get ice cream after I ate my hot dog and hamburger. And I see one of the folks there, a young-ish girl, about my height, with a monstrous bowl of ice cream heaped with chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream! She is very thin, I would say somewhere around a size 4 or 6 (smaller than Lou is how I was comparing it.) And behind her was a larger girl, probably a size 16, with barely a scoop and some chocolate sauce on top. The first thing I thought was, "That girl HAS to be bulemic to have a bowl of ice cream like that! I bet she throws it all up later." My second thought was, "It's so unfair that she gets to eat that huge bowl while the girl behind her, clearly trying to watch what she eats, has the smaller bowl and is still overweight."

Both thoughts were serious, I wasn't being funny. Then I was kind of appalled at my own thoughts. Why should I think that way? Why should I care? Why was I so presumptive to think that the skinny girl must have an eating disorder to stay so thin, or that the larger girl was trying to lose weight? I was being kind of mean. And I didn't like it.

I can't stand the messages we get from the media every day to be so conscious of our appearance and weight and beauty and youth! They never used to get to me much when I was a teenager. But they get to me now. I think about my age. This weekend out in the sun, I was thinking that I looked older because of my makeup and that I better learn how not to make myself look older with makeup. I get happy every time someone gets surprised by my age. I used to look older when I was a teenager and now that I am older, I look younger than my age. I attribute it to good skin care, not smoking and purposely not tanning. I have been using Origins skin care products since I was 23, the year I got married, which is now 15 years ago. See what I mean?!?! This year is my 20th HS Reunion! I have gotten back in touch with people from HS or before through Facebook that I haven't spoken to in 20 years or more in some cases! This is insane! I am not this old! I feel like a kid inside. Not an immature, whiny kid; a fun-loving, playful kid. I think that's part of the reason that all this adult stuff gets me so down! I don't want to have to deal with all this serious stuff when I just want to have some fun. Of course, I do deal with it, but I have trouble balancing the two ends together, I think.

Whew! A lot going on in my head today.

Another thought is about my dumb boss. He is again doing stupid things today to make my life more complicated. Stuff which he should know better than to do. I work for him, he makes more than me, I should not have to clean up his messes. Fucking idiot.

Yet more thoughts are about what I have control of and what I do not. I can control my weight. I can control advancing my work skills and certifications. Therefore, I need to work on both of those things. I am not going to go into any elaborate plans here because I don't have any. The statement above is the plan. Simple as that.

So....what are your thoughts on any of the above, or anything else you are thinking today, internets?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Feeling Hot Hot Hot!

This weekend I went to the Silver Kingdom Renaissance Festival, where I helped out as a volunteer all weekend.

Yes - it was in the 90's.
Yes - it was crazy ass humid and unbearably hot and sweaty both days.

But, it was also fun! The faire is larger than I had thought it was. There were about 30 vendors, give or take, and they had a nice variety of stuff. There were 3 or 4 costume vendors, 3 leather shops who all catered to larpers, a generic silver jewelry place, yard ornaments, tibetan items, eastern oddities and flint lock rifles, henna tattoos, gel candles, fantasy/medieval art prints, wool works, and a few others that I don't recall at the moment. There was a "Children's Garden" which basically has some games for the kids - beanbag throw, ring toss, fight the dragon, and an obstacle course! Plus drawing and coloring if they want. Fun for the kiddies. And, being a LARP faire, a boffer combat tourney.

I had a great time! It was wicked, hellish hot. Hot like drink a bottle of water an hour hot. So hot you didn't want to eat, but if you didn't eat something you would drop. We had two people leave by ambulance Saturday. The mudman, who was dehydrated, and a patron, who had given blood that morning (and appropriately said she felt pretty stupid as they were waiting for the ambulance to arrive.) So the next day water was available EVERYWHERE and people were actively being encouraged to wear sunscreen, take a break, have some water, etc. Fortunately there were no incidents, though an "almost" one with one of the Lione folk.

I bought a bear. A teddy bear. A Celtic bear, with wode on half his face, holding a longsword and buckler and wearing plaid pants! He is my leetle 'Braveheart Bear' now. :-) SO very cute, I just had to have him. There was some interesting leather armor pieces and sword holders and bracers at one of the booths. But every time I look at leather, I just think, "But Geof could make me that..." and I don't buy it. So methinks I need to talk to him about making me some shit. Bracers and/or a pauldron for now, another bat-utility belt later when I have lost some weight.

When I was looking through my shit for some costume accessories to bring along Sunday (I went home to get a few things and sleep in MY bed with my sweetie and my puppies, not in a sweaty bunk room with 10 other sweaty people...) I found my old bat-utility belt that he made for me. I wrapped it around myself and it was clear just how much I have gained. No way could I have even gotten the belts closed. *heavy sigh* I want to be determined to lose weight. I really want to lose it and I want to stay determined and actually take action and KEEP on the wagon! I think that will be a subject tonight with my therapist.

I will be going to the renfair again this weekend to help out, though my roles will be a bit more structured this weekend. This past weekend they apparently did not expect me at all. So I kind of floated and helped out where needed. This weekend I will be in the green room and the tavern. I hope I don't have to actually COOK. I would rather serve and clean than cook. We shall see....

In the meantime, I am primed for some serious thunderstorms to come and take away this ridiculous weather! I am all for saving the planet and controlling global warming, but I would be so very unhappy if I had to work outside in this heat all day every day!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Sorry, no sympathy for you.

I go to this morning and see TWO stories about celebrities in foreclosure. Ed McMahon went on Larry King Live to talk about his story because he feels he can, "speak for the million people you mentioned [facing foreclosure]."


Ed is behind by $644,000.00 dollars. That is THREE TIMES WHAT MY HOUSE IS EVEN WORTH!

The other story is about Evander Holyfield. His TEN MILLION DOLLAR estate is in danger of being foreclosed upon. He is trying to get another loan to stay current on his mortgage payments.

Forgive me if I sound cynical. But hearing that even some rich celebs can't pay their mortgage is absolutely NO comfort to me whatsoever! They walk out their door in the morning and make a thousand dollars, just for being themselves. I walk out the door, to my unmowed front yard (because we had to wait to have the mower serviced until we had the tax money back) to my 9 year old car with 250,000 miles on it, to go to my job where I don't even make 50K a year. My annual combined household income is less than one of their monthly mortgage payments. And I'm supposed to feel heartened that 'they are going through it too'?

I would like to see those people go through it the way average people do. Or the way that people living in poverty go through it. Trying to juggle expenses so that you can get to work and feed yourself while still being able to pay the mortgage.

I realize I am very fortunate. I HAVE a house to lose. Many people don't. But I am talking about relating to MY struggle. I am constantly pissed off by the celebrity stories about excess and partying and rehab and wrecked cars and plastic surgery and new houses and 20 million dollar movie deals and ten cars. The celebrities I admire are the ones who donate large sums to charity - because they can. Who try to stay out of the gossip limelight and just live their lives. Or who stand up for what they believe in and use their celebrity to bring attention to important subjects.

Reading stories like these just pisses me off even more. Poor widdle cewebwities, not able to get their daily personal massage and hairstylist to come over. Aw, maybe they will have to move to a million dollar house rather than a TEN million dollar estate. Their SEVENTEEN bathrooms will sit, vacant, alone, unused, while they are foreclosed upon by the bank.

My heart bleeds.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

*BUZZ-Z-Z-Z-Z* Wrong answer!

Apparently, the tummy evil I experienced is not over. No. So apparently, it was not caused by the cereal. I have no idea what it WAS caused by, but I am tired of it and want it to stop now, thankyouverymuch.

Second day this week home sick. Ugh.

No fever, no vomiting. Just evil stomach cramping and liquid diarrhea. Yay. And exhaustion. Yeah. Ssssooooo ttiirreedd.

At this point, I don't care WHY. I just want this to be gone.

I will have to tough out work tomorrow, no matter how I feel.

Fortunately, I was not going to be in my office most of today anyway.

Unfortunately, that means I missed a freebie day of cool classes and free lunch. Staff Development Day happens once a year where all staff are allowed and encouraged to take courses offered for the day. Mostly non-academic and non-work related stuff. Personal development, like photography, learning to know your dog, tours of the campus, athletic stuff like pilates or yoga, craft stuff, plant swaps, how to be greener, etc., etc. Plus a huge free barbecue lunch for all the staff. Plus a Family Feud game in the afternoon with questions related to where we work and the culture and events that happen there. Day ends with Ice Cream and Del's Frozen Lemonade, a RI favorite.

The things I signed up for were Yoga in the morning, a class called "Gross Anatomy" in the late morning, which was supposed to go over some more grotesque medical practices back in the day. And in the afternoon, card making class using rubber stamps. We would make two cards, one to keep and one for Ronald McDonald House kids. Which is cool, charity, etc.

Oh well. Next year.

Hopefully today is the last of it for me. I am very tired and need to help out with the Lione renfair this weekend.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

My stomach hates me

I spent yesterday curled up in my bed clutching my belly and groaning a lot.


Fiber is NOT my friend. I am apparently very sensitive to too much fiber. Unfortunately, I am also a lover of those fiber filled cereals like Wheat Chex and Mini-Wheats! We got the Strawberry Mini-Wheats because they were on sale and I had too much and I paid dearly for it!!! It's just not nice what too much will do to you! It was evil.

I am back at work today, exhausted, but here. Not only did I not sleep well last night because of the sleeping I did during the day yesterday. But I feel empty (because I didn't really eat anything yesterday except a little pastina) and I feel like I got repeatedly punched in the gut.

Blah. Stupid sensitive system.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wondering why I bother...

Told by SysAdmin to write an e-mail to staff about a new piece of equipment.

I write draft and send to SysAdmin and Boss Guy (because every word has to be approved by both of them.)

Boss Guy thanks me for the draft and says he will "re-work" it.

Sends out draft to us with ENTIRELY DIFFERENT E-MAIL!!!

Why did I waste ten minutes of my day writing a fucking e-mail that he was just going to entirely re-write? WHY?!

Boss Guy tells us a few weeks ago to "take advantage of Summer Hours" being offered by our employer (we get to work a half-hour less for the same pay.) With a caveat that we may occassionally have to stay for maintenance or issues that arise (of course, duh!) Then today, he mentions to SysAdmin (after everyone submits their preferred hours and wants to leave at 4:30 pm, per the Summer Hours policy that we are allowed to follow...) that he is concerned about IT coverage for the building from 4:30 - 5:00 pm.


Did he think that just because I am normally a later person that I would WANT to stay later when I could get out of work at 4:30?! Did he just ASSUME that I would stay later than that?!

I am just W-A-I-T-I-N-G for them to ask me to stay until 5:00 pm for the summer.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

crack, bump, groan, Zzzzz, snap, creak.....

I am feeling a little broken today. A LOT tired and a little broken. I came out of the 4-day event with minimal damage: a long bruise, clearly from a weapon hit, on my right upper arm; a slightly sore eye from being accidentally kicked in the eye; some small bruises here and there and SORE FEET!!!

That is all for now, more later when I have time. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, as the case may be...) my day has already shaped up to be VERY busy.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Am I overreacting?

I think it's hard for non-techies to answer this question because I could ask it by including all the technical details. But I will ask it anyway, without all the techie info.

I tell our database administrator (new character here in my LJ) that I need some info from him because I have to do some server maintenance and then when he replies, he tells me the server needs some maintenance. Not in so many words, but that is the short, non-techie version.

Am I overreacting to get tired of these damn people treating me like I am an idiot? Am I reading too much into what he said to me? Without knowing the guy, you are going to answer that maybe he was being nice and just trying to make suggestions. But it's not like that in IT. IT people are competitive and conceited. They all think they know more than each other. This guy is not super pompous, but he does have a chip on his shoulder. He is somewhat of a know-it-all when it comes to the db he works on, because he worked on this same db at his last job. He talks about that incessantly, "at (other job) we did this, and we did that, and we did this other thing." It drives people here batty. So he does come off like a know-it-all. He came back to me the other day after I FORWARDED a warning email that I received from our IT Security group about a phishing e-mail. It had clickable links in it that were active (on the phishing e-mail itself). It came to me like that, and I sent it out like that. Well, you weren't supposed to click on the links, and the e-mail stated that...IN CAPITALS...TWICE!!! Five minutes after I send the e-mail, he comes over and tells me that the e-mail I just sent has clickable links and that maybe I should have made the links inactive before sending the e-mail. Heh heh. He was chuckling, like heh, heh, oh, duh, you probably should have thought about that first, heh heh. It was like a condescending, pat on the head kind of comment to me. This is the same thing.

I am so goddamn sick of that shit. I don't think I come off as stupid or not knowing what I am talking about. I don't engage in deep conversation about my job and what I do every day with him or my bosses. But I think merely in performing my work, they should be able to gather than I am competent and intelligent and that I understand what I am doing and maybe even more than just what I am doing. Why the hell would I apply to be the System Administrator if I didn't think I had the ability and knowledge to do the job?!

I *LOVE* the people here. LOVE them. CAPITAL L-O-V-E love. The people I work for here (not my bosses; my users, my "customers") are the best group of people I have ever worked for in my life. Real people with real lives, who are mature and understanding and personable and real and not fake and are friendly and talkative and understanding. REAL people. GOOD people. I get thanked for doing my job every day here by the people I work for. I am appreciated, liked, joked with, talked with, asked about, waved hi to. They are nice people. So some of the frustration that I have with my bosses gets mitigated by the great people here.

Maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am hyper-sensitive to being told what to do when I already know what to do. It always makes me feel like the person telling me what to do believes I don't know already. I don't mind with tasks. Assign me a task, sure, I will do it, no problem. But start listing the steps I need to take to accomplish this task when I have not asked for such assistance and I begin to think you think I am an idiot! Similarly, I take action items away from a meeting. Don't begin following up with me on them immediately, because it makes me feel like you don't trust me to get my damn work done! I can LET YOU KNOW when I am done with the assigned tasks, really, I can. I know they are important and need to get done as soon as I can. I don't ask for help much, but when I do, you will know that I really need help!

So I am not sure if I just have to bite the bullet and deal with this stuff (well, yes, I DO have to just deal with it,) or whether I am JUSTIFIED in feeling this way about it all. Am I just being "sensitive Linda"? Or would you also get as frustrated? I just need to feel validated; That it's okay to get pissed off and frustrated; that they are being assholes. I would hate to hear (but will listen if it's the answer) that I am just being reactionary and that they just mean well and are doing their jobs. I should be thankful for the direction and instruction I am being given and thank them for the opportunity. Eeeuuuccchhhhhh! It makes me want to vomit just WRITING it!!

Comments anyone?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dooce love

I love Dooce!!! I love her website! I have been reading Dooce since she became pregnant and was posting weekly belly pics. At least 5 years. When I began reading her site, I read back to the very first post (the first post that is still published anyway). So it becomes hard to remember when I really began reading, because I feel like I have been there from the beginning. I love her husband Jon. I love their daughter Leta. I SUPER love her dog Chuck (and Coco too!).

Over the past week, she has gotten some TV press on NBC's Today Show and then on Nightline. The Today show interview was not what it was supposed to be because it got bumped from its original spot and interviewer. Everyone who has watched Kathie Lee Gifford knows she is sort of a ditz. Whatever. The piece was short and sort of aimless, except to say that Heather has a popular blog on which she writes about being a mom. Factually correct, though lacking a lot of detail.

The Nightline piece was more in depth and was done in her home. I think it was inherently better for that single reason. She was not on a couch in some studio in a city far away from her home and her husband and her daughter, etc. I think it brought out a little of her personality. And I think it touched on her blog and why she does what she does. But it still didn't fully hit the mark. I just think that a mainstream news reporter can't grasp the concept of blogging and the internet and online communities. If you don't experience it, it is a concept that is very hard to describe well. So I think they did a nice job for what they could do. However, I was very dismayed at some of the negative comments posted on the Nightline page for the article for that piece. I just can't believe some of the hate that people spew about stuff that doesn't even affect them about someone they don't even know! People feel threatened by the strangest things. It's not even logical.

I mean, I get mad and write a letter if I feel that a company is using practices that are going to hurt me or other people, physically or financially. I get mad and (sometimes) write people who have very restrictive viewpoints about issues that are important to me (prejudice, choice, glbt issues, religion). But this is someone just talking about HER life on HER website. She doesn't tell people how to behave, that her way is right, that she has found the path to inner peace and salvation, that she is the best mom and everyone needs to follow her lead, that she is the best judge of...anything! She just talks about her life and how it affects her and her family. And people lose their friggin MINDS! I just don't get it.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about Dooce today (yep, I linked it again!) 'Cause I love her. As much as a person who has never met a person but feels like she knows her a little bit because of having daily peeks into her life for the past 6 years can love a person. She inspires me to want to be more creative, more artistic, to write more. I would love to be in a position where I could stay at home and work for a living. Or even to have a blog/website that pays the bills. Woo-to-the-motherfucking-hoo, Dooce! You rock!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Small, but Gross!

I get the puppies all saddled up to go on our morning walk. We get out the front door and I kiss my sweetie goodbye. While I am not looking at them, the smaller pup, Storm, begins rubbing her head on the ground on something. They usually do this on patches of smelly stuff, not too discriminating about what the smelly stuff is. In this case, it was a FRESH puddle of BIRD POOP!!! Yeecchhh!!! So we go on our walk and half her head is white and slimy with bird poop. They do their business and we get back to the house. Before she can TOUCH anything, I scoop her up and take off the harness and whisk her to the bathroom. A warm washcloth with some puppy shampoo to the head manages to take away all the poop. She is miserable as I am doing this because they both dislike the bath thing. I get done and release the hound to go play with her sister.

Let me tell you, BOY IS FRESH BIRD POOP SMELLY!!!!! It smells AWFUL! I will not push the cliche' and say it smells like shit. It doesn't smell like shit. It smells like something very sour and very rotten and very regurgitated. Bleah, bleah, bleah, bleah, bleah! I am shuddering again just thinking about the smell.

That pooch is getting the full on bath tonight!

(yeah, that's her, the tiny cute one...)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

writer's block

I have had writers block this week and last week.

Sort of.

There is stuff flying through my mind. But I don't necessarily want to write about it. Or I do, but I feel like I am just going to recant what I wrote ten minutes ago. I am kind of a mess. Not a bad mess. Sort of. Yeah, I feel a little nuts today.

I have not felt much like writing about the same old damn crap. I am just uninspired.

And cranky.

I am not sure this medication is working for me. We (the psych nurse and I) increased the dose one week ago yesterday and I feel like I am going a little bonkers (and driving my sweetie bonkers, too) since then. On the lower dose I felt.....o-k-a-y. Not bad, but not really better. Nothing appreciable anyway. It's hard when my moods are messed up to notice a difference. Maybe that should be the tell-tale sign that the med ISN'T WORKING, when it's hard to notice a difference. But the past week, I think I do notice a difference. Short fuse, difficulty keeping focused, negative thoughts (more than usual, I think), and more anxiety. I have had tiny lightheaded episodes (by tiny I mean for literally seconds) here and there. Oh and Monday I had WAY too much caffeine!! Two cokes and a cup of tea! I was vibrating by the time I got home. It was super sucky! Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I feel like this icky mood has come on over the past week. Last week, all week, I felt shitty. It started after trying to shop Sunday, but I felt shitty the rest of the week too. And I really don't feel any better this week. I am not necessarily focused on my body image. Just everything else! Bills, work, mini disasters at home - they are setting me WAY off this week. And I am finding it hard to concentrate at work for more than a few minutes.


Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I feel like that may be more than a little factor.

This process is very trying.


Posted to my LJ on May 5th, 2008 at 11:47 pm

Today sucked.

The End

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Such crap!

love that the AP writers get to hide behind "The Associated Press" rather than sign a name to an article like this one. An article clearly written by someone who doesn't have even a basic understanding of comic book superheroes and how they have evolved over the past 40 years. Most superheroes are no longer the pristine, flawless archetype, like the old days of Superman and Captain America, who were all-conscience, no-doubts and who could, for all intents and purposes, do no wrong.

Case in point:
"The classic superhero is polished, brave and morally righteous. Strong and unerring, he is perfection personified -- a superhuman ideal.

Not this summer."

Anyone who is into comic books, or knows someone who is, knows that for decades they have been expounding on the human condition of many of the superhero characters they serialize. There have been countless "What Ifs" and Spin-offs of specific series and storylines, there have been new bad guys and new aspects of good guys. There have even been re-telling of entire stories from the beginning! And I don't even READ comic books! But I have at least four good friends who have been avid readers for years and I have picked all this up from them.

""Iron Man," which opens Friday, stars Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, a pompous, womanizing, hard-drinking genius whose superpowers come solely from a supercharged, weapons-filled suit he created from scratch. Without it, Stark is just another guy with issues -- not much of a stretch for the actor who's a veteran of both big screen and blotter."

Now THIS just pisses me off because they not-so-much imply as much as state, straight out, that the role of Tony Stark isn't much of a stretch for Robert Downey, Jr., since he has had so much trouble in his life.


Just because someone has experienced something doesn't make it any easier to recreate in a believable way. This is written by someone who has never performed an acting role in their life.

At least this ass prints explanatory quotes from people involved about why things have evolved as they have in comic superhero-land.

"Often the problem with superheroes isn't that they're too human, but that they're not human enough, says (Kevin) Feige of Marvel Studios."

"Superman is conventionally and traditionally a Boy Scout, and that's often what makes him very difficult to relate with," (Producer Akiva Goldsman) says. "We identify more with people who are broken, people who are damaged. Those are the heroes who stick with us, the ones who are imperfect despite all their gifts, because everyone feels imperfect."

"And when real life is so chaotic -- with war, a faltering economy, fears of terrorism and a threatened environment -- relatable superheroes are even more valuable," (Iron Man Director Jon) Favreau says.

"It's an abstract version of what our fears are, presented in a safe way, and we can be saved by a superhuman character," he says. "People want to see that type of thing when times are hard."

Echoes Goldsman: "The world is often troubling and we often look for heroes to save the day. If only."

I just wish the person signed their name so I could write back to them.


On the Not-A-Surprise front, Boss Guy is treating me like an idiot again. It seems like A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G I take initiative on, he has to change or modify or second-guess or just outright reject. I spent HOURS working on a PC distribution list for new PC's we just got. Trying to distribute them according to how people use them and what kind of power they need. Nope. The list we made A YEAR AGO when we got the last round of PCs is the one we are going with. That list leaves out a ton of people who really should be getting new PCs. What-the-fuck-ever. When people complain that they are not getting new PCs, that they are getting hand-me-downs that are 5 years old, I am going to point them right to Boss Guy and say he is "The Decider". Asshole. I'm a little pissed, can you tell?

hate clothes shopping

Posted to my LJ on April 28th, 2008 at 11:00 am

Two large sales this weekend. 40% off at lane bryant, 30% off at Avenue (the fat girl stores). So I go on Sunday, avoid eating lunch before shopping so I will be that much less full. I tried on about 8 shirts at Lane Bryant. I tried on about 10 at Avenue.

I came home with ONE BLACK SHIRT.


It's a stretchy t-shirt. Plain, longer sleeves than your average t-shirt. No design, no fancy trim. Just a plain black t-shirt.

And a piss poor body image, I came home with that too.

Getting out of bed, dressed and off to work this morning was a serious effort. Staying here all day will be a similar effort.

Sometimes I just hate my life.

p.s. The shirt wasn't even included in the sale because it's some "right price" item.

Happy BIrthday Buffy!

Posted to my LJ on April 22nd, 2008 at 11:26 pm

Happy Birthday sweetie! Hope you have a great, stress-free day filled with fun and love! It was great that you didn't have a clue about your brunch! It makes the surprise so much better when a person doesn't find out! :-)

I'm glad we have gotten to be better friends this year! Patience and understanding are rare qualities, but you have them in spades (Heh, get it? Card joke!!) and you give them freely. Thanks for being a friend to me! :-) Hugs and smoochies!

sunburn and chocolate cake

Posted to my LJ on April 21st, 2008 at 4:15 pm

I had a TON OF FUN this weekend! WOOOOO! I also had some serious conversation, which is nice, and my brain needs it as well. So it was a good balance of the weekend.

I went to End Of Seasons (Lione) and scripted. Got there as the sun was setting, which is nice and early. It was a nice and easy way to slip back into scripting as I knew I was leaving sometime saturday night to go up and stay with Anya for a brunch on Sunday. So I didn't have to pack the world. Got up there and saw several people I had not seen in some time - yay! Did the scripty thing. Did the hidey thing too, but got over that. Journaled a bit about it though. Maybe I will have an epiphany one of these days - even a small one would be nice. :-) Went to bed with everyone else at about 3:00 am. Watched a little of my new Christian Bale movie - Rescue Dawn. Rough movie. Vietnam POW. Ugh! Next morning, got up for breakfast (yay waffle maker!!) Then did the scripty thing for several hours. Took a much needed nap and did more scripty stuff. Ben was there (B not G) and so was Dell both days. It was nice to see him in a non-playing situation where we could take a few minutes to catch up on life. Like, how's your new infant son?! How is life with a baby and two dogs?! Heh. So that was a welcome thing. Puke showed up too, which I didn't know he had been doing lately. So I was pretty floored about that as well. And I got to see Brandy and Eric as well, who came Saturday to re-build a much-needed gate prop (yep, glad I wasn't playing!) So I did a LOT of catching up with long-time friends. Got to see and hang with Megan as well, which rocked!

Faith and I left for Anya's house at dinnertime. In hindsight, a poor choice, as we were both basically ravenous when we got to Anya's. She said we were like gremlins when we got there. Heh, I wasn't seeing it because I was hungry, but looking back, yeah we were! We hugged and kissed and then stormed the kitchen for leftovers! After eating, the hanging (and showering) began. We hung out casual-like, and had strawberry shortcake for dessert-YUM! We just had girl talk time all evening until our eyelids were drooping and sleep was necessary.

Next morning the mad morning rush was on to get ready and get kids, mother, BB, me and Faith out of the house on time for Buffy's surprise brunch, which was a total success! She was honestly surprised - YESSSS!! We were sure someone had spilled the beans (heh) to her or that she would see the cars in the parking lot. She did not, so we were victorious! A few unexpected faces were there, so that was nice. Got to see Gene and Shell, Rob, Janie, Karl and Allie, Caleb, Cliffy, Jim Pic, April's brother Evan and his wife and, of course, April and Shaun. Shaun's family was also there and that was where the kids had stayed the night before. We had a fine, brunchy time, while desperately missing the Chocolate Fountain, which was apparently out of order (damn them - don't they know that was why we did this?!) There were many stories and laughs and giggles. The kids did magic tricks for the adults. It was lots of fun!

Afterwards, we retired back to April and Shaun's house for chatting, playing wiffle baseball with the kids and lots of Radiant talk. We strong-armed Jim into coming with us, since he was without car, and Cliffy, Evan, Anya, Faith and I also went over. We sat on the deck in the sun (hence the sunburn) talking while the kids ran around the yard burning off the maple syrup and waffles. There was much talk of the next Radiant event, of food, cabin decor and who might and might not be coming. We went out to the street to see Nolan ride his bike, training-wheel-free. He was great and you couldn't tell he had only learned the previous day. After a couple of hours Shaun and Cliffy left with Jim to take him home and go buy a phone for Shaun. Not long after that, BB also left, so that we girls could have girl time, which was what the brunch originally started out as.

We hung out for a little while and then April went inside. She came out with chocolate cake (with that gooey, fudgy filling) and four forks. WOOO! I actually said, "Now THIS is girl time!!" So we sat talking and ate the rest of the cake together. It was great! There were various mini-melodramas among the kids - who got whom upset, we were mean for laughing at them (we weren't), could we go to the park, knee scrapes, whining and cajoling. Finally, we went to the park closeby for about 45 minutes, let the kids burn off more energy and then went back to the house. Anya, Faith and I took off for Anya's house and then Faith drove me home.

All in all, a fun-filled weekend with friends. Overdue, for sure. And fulfilling as well. Smoochies to my peeps!!

Posted to my LJ on April 18th, 2008 at 4:11 pm

I went out this morning to walk the poochies and did not need, nor want, a sweater, jacket, or other additional layer. WOO!!!!

Finally, a coat-free day! Oh yeah!

So now, here I sit. At 4:12 pm on a Friday. Friday of a larp event. Where the weather is actually going to be decent (meaning not a blizzard, hurricane or arctic freeze). And I am DYINGTOGETOUTOFHEREGODDAMMIT!!!!

On a totally unrelated note, I think that I have no melanin in my legs. I think this because even the Jergens lotion that you put on and get a gradual gentle tan over several days is NOT BRINGING OUT ANY DAMN COLOR ON THEM!

(Have I used quite enough caps and exclamation points? I'm not done yet, folks!)

Not that my legs are pretty, because they aren't. And by not pretty I mean, I have a terrible scratching habit and they are laden with scars because of it. So it's not like I want to wear a short skirt or anything. I would, however, like to wear one of the 3 pairs of pants I have that are slightly cropped. I would like to wear them without applying makeup on my lower legs, which it looks like I will have to do anyway, or wear socks. I mean, come on folks! InStyle magazine recommended this stuff as a "Beauty Best Buy" in their annual '135 Best Beauty Buys' issue!! I even bought the MEDIUM skin tone one, because I am so damn pale!



4:21 now. Feet tapping restlessly.

On another totally unrelated note, I wish I had a CLUE about LJ templates and how to design one, or understand ANYTHING about them other than, "hey, that looks cute." I was looking at the templates again today to see about changing mine again and I just have no idea what it all means. There is a template NAME, but then there is a STYLE NAME that the template is created for, and there is a person who created it. You go into the create section and there are pages of stuff about the styles and I assume that is all how to make one information. But I haven't got the slightest idea what it all means. So for those of you that know me and think I am all that and a bag of chips on computers, not so.

Okay, I am going to get off here, get my shit together, hope SysAdmin guy decides to leave early as the BossGuy has already left and goddamnit it's Friday and its' NICE OUTSIDE!!

Bye, ya'll!!


Posted to my LJ on April 16th, 2008 at 3:19 pm

SysAdmin is having a "Dumb Day".

That is what I call it when he repeatedly asks stupid questions or makes stupid assumptions or does stupid things. REPEATEDLY. Usually it's one-a-day or something like that. And sometimes the stupid things he does are only m-i-l-d-l-y stupid. Like it could possibly just be an honest mistake (except that I know him well enough that it's not a MISTAKE, it's stupidity.)

But HOLY SHIT, DUH!!!!!!

I am so ready to walk outside and just keep going to my car today. It is just non-stop.

First, it was working on an issue that I already did the troubleshooting and resolution for, that he decided he had to troubleshoot all over again because it is happening to another party.

Next, it was a sudden server issue that really came out of nowhere. Our file server had a giant hiccup, causing access to it to be interrupted for our entire building. Well, no sooner do I send out an e-mail saying we are having an unspecified issue (we had not yet figured out it was only the file server,) then he is REBOOTING THE BOX! DURING BUSINESS HOURS! WITHOUT NOTIFYING THE USERS FIRST! Because he could not access it through remote desktop or on the machine itself. No discussing and agreeing saying, our only option is to reboot, no letting me get people off it first, no asking users to save their work. Just - POOF! - rebooted. I guess he is the SysAdmin, he can do that. Right. Sure. Whatever.

After that, he took the liberty of putting a document - that we do not produce and that contains a setup password that may or may not change - on a shared folder. Without asking my co-worker, who controls the distribution of that setup document when he receives it. And without asking the department that produces the document if that is okay with them.

He didn't remember the correct driving reason behind why we wanted to replace our remote access client (our version is End-Of-Life and only has limited support).

And just a few moments ago, he asked another very stupid question about something that we have covered in the past. I just don't understand why he doesn't remember this shit. It's elementary!! First level stuff! WAY under the level that he should have knowledge of.

He said to me during my evaluation last week that we need to utilize a knowledgebase because "not everyone has a memory like a steel trap" gesturing towards me. He knows he has shit for memory. HOW on earth did he ever become a SysAdmin?! You have to know your network and know the machines and the stats and the history and all that shit. Sure, you don't have to know it all from memory. But you shouldn't have to consult your notes every time you deal with the same issue over and over. Hell, I would be happy if he DID consult his notes! At least he would appear organized, like he knows he has a bad memory and only needs a second to review his notes. Make an effort!!!!

I'm so done with him today!!!!