Wednesday, May 07, 2008

writer's block

I have had writers block this week and last week.

Sort of.

There is stuff flying through my mind. But I don't necessarily want to write about it. Or I do, but I feel like I am just going to recant what I wrote ten minutes ago. I am kind of a mess. Not a bad mess. Sort of. Yeah, I feel a little nuts today.

I have not felt much like writing about the same old damn crap. I am just uninspired.

And cranky.

I am not sure this medication is working for me. We (the psych nurse and I) increased the dose one week ago yesterday and I feel like I am going a little bonkers (and driving my sweetie bonkers, too) since then. On the lower dose I felt.....o-k-a-y. Not bad, but not really better. Nothing appreciable anyway. It's hard when my moods are messed up to notice a difference. Maybe that should be the tell-tale sign that the med ISN'T WORKING, when it's hard to notice a difference. But the past week, I think I do notice a difference. Short fuse, difficulty keeping focused, negative thoughts (more than usual, I think), and more anxiety. I have had tiny lightheaded episodes (by tiny I mean for literally seconds) here and there. Oh and Monday I had WAY too much caffeine!! Two cokes and a cup of tea! I was vibrating by the time I got home. It was super sucky! Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I feel like this icky mood has come on over the past week. Last week, all week, I felt shitty. It started after trying to shop Sunday, but I felt shitty the rest of the week too. And I really don't feel any better this week. I am not necessarily focused on my body image. Just everything else! Bills, work, mini disasters at home - they are setting me WAY off this week. And I am finding it hard to concentrate at work for more than a few minutes.


Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I feel like that may be more than a little factor.

This process is very trying.

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