Thursday, June 19, 2008


Weird dreams (can't remember any today, but I remember waking up last night thinking WTF?!)
Work frustration (more evidence that SysAdmin is just bluffing his way through stuff.)
New partnership (a friend at work and I are going to work together on something.)
Nice weather (even the thunderstorms have been cool!)
Sore neck (not sure what the heck this is about, but I have had a sore neck from sleeping for days.)
New Nine Inch Nails album (The Slip - WOOT!)
Co-worker rants (my co-worker came at me this morning with a fistful of rants, with which I sympathize, but it was just discouraging.)
Mountain Dew Voltage is ok, nothing great (my sweetie got a free 12 pack.)
New bras rock (I feel buoyant.)
Lots of things to do in and to my house - need to organize them tonight (yeah, that.)
Reflecting on fun from the weekend (SKRF - had a great time and lots of fun and I am oddly looking forward to the event even though I am scripting.)
A helpful lesson in terminal services (from a geek friend - he taught me stuff that was VITAL and just cleared a whole bunch up for me!)
A disappointing answer (my job position does not require a salary revaluation because we are in line with the other IT positions here.)
Feeling hungry (I think it's time for lunch!)

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Today's thoughts...

First thought happened while I was at lunch with my fellow computer geeks here at work. We have a monthly interdepartmental meeting for all the computer people in each department. This month was the annual barbecue, since school is out and things are slightly slower for IT folks here. So there I am, waiting in line to get ice cream after I ate my hot dog and hamburger. And I see one of the folks there, a young-ish girl, about my height, with a monstrous bowl of ice cream heaped with chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream! She is very thin, I would say somewhere around a size 4 or 6 (smaller than Lou is how I was comparing it.) And behind her was a larger girl, probably a size 16, with barely a scoop and some chocolate sauce on top. The first thing I thought was, "That girl HAS to be bulemic to have a bowl of ice cream like that! I bet she throws it all up later." My second thought was, "It's so unfair that she gets to eat that huge bowl while the girl behind her, clearly trying to watch what she eats, has the smaller bowl and is still overweight."

Both thoughts were serious, I wasn't being funny. Then I was kind of appalled at my own thoughts. Why should I think that way? Why should I care? Why was I so presumptive to think that the skinny girl must have an eating disorder to stay so thin, or that the larger girl was trying to lose weight? I was being kind of mean. And I didn't like it.

I can't stand the messages we get from the media every day to be so conscious of our appearance and weight and beauty and youth! They never used to get to me much when I was a teenager. But they get to me now. I think about my age. This weekend out in the sun, I was thinking that I looked older because of my makeup and that I better learn how not to make myself look older with makeup. I get happy every time someone gets surprised by my age. I used to look older when I was a teenager and now that I am older, I look younger than my age. I attribute it to good skin care, not smoking and purposely not tanning. I have been using Origins skin care products since I was 23, the year I got married, which is now 15 years ago. See what I mean?!?! This year is my 20th HS Reunion! I have gotten back in touch with people from HS or before through Facebook that I haven't spoken to in 20 years or more in some cases! This is insane! I am not this old! I feel like a kid inside. Not an immature, whiny kid; a fun-loving, playful kid. I think that's part of the reason that all this adult stuff gets me so down! I don't want to have to deal with all this serious stuff when I just want to have some fun. Of course, I do deal with it, but I have trouble balancing the two ends together, I think.

Whew! A lot going on in my head today.

Another thought is about my dumb boss. He is again doing stupid things today to make my life more complicated. Stuff which he should know better than to do. I work for him, he makes more than me, I should not have to clean up his messes. Fucking idiot.

Yet more thoughts are about what I have control of and what I do not. I can control my weight. I can control advancing my work skills and certifications. Therefore, I need to work on both of those things. I am not going to go into any elaborate plans here because I don't have any. The statement above is the plan. Simple as that.

So....what are your thoughts on any of the above, or anything else you are thinking today, internets?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Feeling Hot Hot Hot!

This weekend I went to the Silver Kingdom Renaissance Festival, where I helped out as a volunteer all weekend.

Yes - it was in the 90's.
Yes - it was crazy ass humid and unbearably hot and sweaty both days.

But, it was also fun! The faire is larger than I had thought it was. There were about 30 vendors, give or take, and they had a nice variety of stuff. There were 3 or 4 costume vendors, 3 leather shops who all catered to larpers, a generic silver jewelry place, yard ornaments, tibetan items, eastern oddities and flint lock rifles, henna tattoos, gel candles, fantasy/medieval art prints, wool works, and a few others that I don't recall at the moment. There was a "Children's Garden" which basically has some games for the kids - beanbag throw, ring toss, fight the dragon, and an obstacle course! Plus drawing and coloring if they want. Fun for the kiddies. And, being a LARP faire, a boffer combat tourney.

I had a great time! It was wicked, hellish hot. Hot like drink a bottle of water an hour hot. So hot you didn't want to eat, but if you didn't eat something you would drop. We had two people leave by ambulance Saturday. The mudman, who was dehydrated, and a patron, who had given blood that morning (and appropriately said she felt pretty stupid as they were waiting for the ambulance to arrive.) So the next day water was available EVERYWHERE and people were actively being encouraged to wear sunscreen, take a break, have some water, etc. Fortunately there were no incidents, though an "almost" one with one of the Lione folk.

I bought a bear. A teddy bear. A Celtic bear, with wode on half his face, holding a longsword and buckler and wearing plaid pants! He is my leetle 'Braveheart Bear' now. :-) SO very cute, I just had to have him. There was some interesting leather armor pieces and sword holders and bracers at one of the booths. But every time I look at leather, I just think, "But Geof could make me that..." and I don't buy it. So methinks I need to talk to him about making me some shit. Bracers and/or a pauldron for now, another bat-utility belt later when I have lost some weight.

When I was looking through my shit for some costume accessories to bring along Sunday (I went home to get a few things and sleep in MY bed with my sweetie and my puppies, not in a sweaty bunk room with 10 other sweaty people...) I found my old bat-utility belt that he made for me. I wrapped it around myself and it was clear just how much I have gained. No way could I have even gotten the belts closed. *heavy sigh* I want to be determined to lose weight. I really want to lose it and I want to stay determined and actually take action and KEEP on the wagon! I think that will be a subject tonight with my therapist.

I will be going to the renfair again this weekend to help out, though my roles will be a bit more structured this weekend. This past weekend they apparently did not expect me at all. So I kind of floated and helped out where needed. This weekend I will be in the green room and the tavern. I hope I don't have to actually COOK. I would rather serve and clean than cook. We shall see....

In the meantime, I am primed for some serious thunderstorms to come and take away this ridiculous weather! I am all for saving the planet and controlling global warming, but I would be so very unhappy if I had to work outside in this heat all day every day!

Friday, June 06, 2008

Sorry, no sympathy for you.

I go to this morning and see TWO stories about celebrities in foreclosure. Ed McMahon went on Larry King Live to talk about his story because he feels he can, "speak for the million people you mentioned [facing foreclosure]."


Ed is behind by $644,000.00 dollars. That is THREE TIMES WHAT MY HOUSE IS EVEN WORTH!

The other story is about Evander Holyfield. His TEN MILLION DOLLAR estate is in danger of being foreclosed upon. He is trying to get another loan to stay current on his mortgage payments.

Forgive me if I sound cynical. But hearing that even some rich celebs can't pay their mortgage is absolutely NO comfort to me whatsoever! They walk out their door in the morning and make a thousand dollars, just for being themselves. I walk out the door, to my unmowed front yard (because we had to wait to have the mower serviced until we had the tax money back) to my 9 year old car with 250,000 miles on it, to go to my job where I don't even make 50K a year. My annual combined household income is less than one of their monthly mortgage payments. And I'm supposed to feel heartened that 'they are going through it too'?

I would like to see those people go through it the way average people do. Or the way that people living in poverty go through it. Trying to juggle expenses so that you can get to work and feed yourself while still being able to pay the mortgage.

I realize I am very fortunate. I HAVE a house to lose. Many people don't. But I am talking about relating to MY struggle. I am constantly pissed off by the celebrity stories about excess and partying and rehab and wrecked cars and plastic surgery and new houses and 20 million dollar movie deals and ten cars. The celebrities I admire are the ones who donate large sums to charity - because they can. Who try to stay out of the gossip limelight and just live their lives. Or who stand up for what they believe in and use their celebrity to bring attention to important subjects.

Reading stories like these just pisses me off even more. Poor widdle cewebwities, not able to get their daily personal massage and hairstylist to come over. Aw, maybe they will have to move to a million dollar house rather than a TEN million dollar estate. Their SEVENTEEN bathrooms will sit, vacant, alone, unused, while they are foreclosed upon by the bank.

My heart bleeds.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

*BUZZ-Z-Z-Z-Z* Wrong answer!

Apparently, the tummy evil I experienced is not over. No. So apparently, it was not caused by the cereal. I have no idea what it WAS caused by, but I am tired of it and want it to stop now, thankyouverymuch.

Second day this week home sick. Ugh.

No fever, no vomiting. Just evil stomach cramping and liquid diarrhea. Yay. And exhaustion. Yeah. Ssssooooo ttiirreedd.

At this point, I don't care WHY. I just want this to be gone.

I will have to tough out work tomorrow, no matter how I feel.

Fortunately, I was not going to be in my office most of today anyway.

Unfortunately, that means I missed a freebie day of cool classes and free lunch. Staff Development Day happens once a year where all staff are allowed and encouraged to take courses offered for the day. Mostly non-academic and non-work related stuff. Personal development, like photography, learning to know your dog, tours of the campus, athletic stuff like pilates or yoga, craft stuff, plant swaps, how to be greener, etc., etc. Plus a huge free barbecue lunch for all the staff. Plus a Family Feud game in the afternoon with questions related to where we work and the culture and events that happen there. Day ends with Ice Cream and Del's Frozen Lemonade, a RI favorite.

The things I signed up for were Yoga in the morning, a class called "Gross Anatomy" in the late morning, which was supposed to go over some more grotesque medical practices back in the day. And in the afternoon, card making class using rubber stamps. We would make two cards, one to keep and one for Ronald McDonald House kids. Which is cool, charity, etc.

Oh well. Next year.

Hopefully today is the last of it for me. I am very tired and need to help out with the Lione renfair this weekend.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

My stomach hates me

I spent yesterday curled up in my bed clutching my belly and groaning a lot.


Fiber is NOT my friend. I am apparently very sensitive to too much fiber. Unfortunately, I am also a lover of those fiber filled cereals like Wheat Chex and Mini-Wheats! We got the Strawberry Mini-Wheats because they were on sale and I had too much and I paid dearly for it!!! It's just not nice what too much will do to you! It was evil.

I am back at work today, exhausted, but here. Not only did I not sleep well last night because of the sleeping I did during the day yesterday. But I feel empty (because I didn't really eat anything yesterday except a little pastina) and I feel like I got repeatedly punched in the gut.

Blah. Stupid sensitive system.