Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Boots and being fat

Let me preface this by saying, YES I know I am overweight and I do not blame one single person for getting me to this state except myself. I also know what I have to do in order to NOT be overweight anymore.

That being said, what the fuck is up with fucking FOOTWEAR not being big enough for me?!?!?!?! This is like the fifth time I have gone to Payless to try and get the super cheap boots they have there that are cool looking and appear to be actually comfortable. I actually saw this pair of boots on someone in Pennsylvania recently and went up to them to ask where they got them. I was so excited when I heard Payless because I knew they would be affordable! Their prices are so great!! And every time…EVERY SINGLE TIME…I leave empty handed and defeated. When will I fucking learn that fat people can’t buy boots at regular stores.

Does this make one bit of sense? NO. It’s not like I am morbidly obese, one of those people you pass on the street and say to your friends, “If I ever get that fat, shoot me!” I am not a sloppy fat person, I do not have rolls of fat on every part of my body, I have defined, if fleshy, body parts. I have defined ankles, no sagging fat that hangs off my lower legs down to my ankles. But I am overweight. So the fucking boots DON’T FIT ME!!!!! They fit my feet. Sure. But try to zip them up and they get about a third of the way up and will not go any further because, apparently, my calves are HUGE.

What the fuck is up with this? It’s not like they make fat footwear – I checked! There is one “womens’ sizes” website that I found that carried shoes. And it’s not even clear if the boots have an extra large leg for the fat girls. I mean, BOOTS ARE SERIOUSLY IN STYLE THIS FALL – WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Everyone skinny gets to be in style and us fat folk have to fucking sit on the sidelines and look fat in ill-fitting, ugly clothes. It’s bad enough that I have to pay an average of 20% more for my clothing because I have to shop at the fat girl stores (although I can’t really complain about Lane Bryant because they have incredible coupons that give you up to $75 off a $150 + purchase and I have had purchases that come out to something like $15-$20 an item.) But I can’t even fucking buy boots because I am too fat.

It just pisses me off. Give me a break and please don’t comment that I should just lose weight and everything will be fine, because that will just piss me off more.

EDIT: P.S. I got similarly pissed off after the big Fall TJ Maxx ad campaign with a photo of a chick wearing a LONG olive green cardigan sweater, it's like a sweater-coat. So I go there to see if they have them, and they do.....in XXS, XS and S (yes, that's extra, extra small - it's like a size ZERO, which does exist.) One rack in the store with the fat girl sizes and everything on it is hideous. This type of thing is where discrimination against obesity becomes clear. Not in people saying shit about fat people. In practical, every day life. Once again, I will say that it's not okay for everyone to be so fat, the world should not change so that I can dress my fat ass in the same fashions as everyone else. But it is still frustrating.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Just call me...

...Rescuer of Dogs!!!

Yesterday, I was coming home from work and about a mile from my house, there was a dog trucking around the intersection I was stopped at. It's a three way intersection, two stop signs at a fork. Not main street busy, but it gets busier in the mornings and evenings when the local folks are going to and coming home from work. There was no owner in sight, so I immediately turned around in the middle of the intersection, waving my apologies to the cars around, and pulled into the nearest driveway after the dog. I jumped out of the car, the dog had no collar and I decided to test if he was friendly. He was SO friendly, I called him over and he came a'wagging. I gently grabbed the scruff of his neck and asked him to jump up into the backseat of my car. He gladly came along. YAY!!! Saved from the possibilty of being hit by a car!

Thus began my search for the pooch's rightful owner (after stopping home to get my big dog leash so I can actually walk the guy.) I tried a few houses right along the intersection with no luck. Got a few suggestions to check the nearby plats, rather than the individual houses along the road. Sounded like a good idea, so I tried street # 1 - East Greenwich before the fork. First house was a bust. I learned the hard way NOT to bring the dog with me door to door in case I come across a non-English speaking old Chinese woman who is clearly terrified of large dogs and might slam the door in my face. Through the door, I loudly asked if she knew who the dog belonged to. She told me to hold on, I told her I would put the dog in the car. When I came back, she seemed to be gone, but then opened the door and handed me her cell phone. It was her son. She did not speak English. Great. I asked HIM if he knew her neighbors who might have a dog that matched the description. He had no idea. I thanked him (and her) and on my way out, she handed me some pamphlets for the local Christian something or other center on enlightenment and improving my life. No speaky English, but here's some Christian literature written in English. Odd.

Anyway, on the search went. Now I went over towards my development, down Greenbush. It is quite a ways to the first turn off the street into the development. Not really feeling confident about this street. So I stop at an open garage and ask the gentleman inside if he knows any neighbors that have a large brown dog. The older man, retired, comes over and we chat. His wife pulls up a moment later and they both meet the dog, who they agree definitely belongs to someone and has not been abandoned. They don't recognize him as a dog they see being walked on their street. They suggest checking out houses closer to the intersection, but they are as concerned as I am. They also suggest calling the local police to see if anyone has reported a missing dog in the area and maybe checking with the nearest vet in the morning to check the same or see if they recognize the dog as a patient. Both great ideas. So off I go to look some more.

Next, I check in the first development on the left side right after the fork. House on the left, I park and leave the interior light on in the car and walk up to the door. No one home. I cross the street and knock on the door. Several small barks, I think, "Can't be this house..." and the lady comes to the door, but checks me out through the window. I yell in to her, I found a dog....and she stops and disappears from the door. She comes back after a minute or so and makes her way out of the door between her small dogs. She asks, "You found him?" and I said, "A large Chocolate Lab?" and she says "YES! It's my neighbor's dog...we have been driving around looking for him!" So we go over to the car, on the way I learn his name is Brewster (I was guessing a chocolate-related name, so I was WAY off...) and he is VERY excited to see his neighbor, who he obviously knows. We get out and head to the neighbor's house and she is SO EXCITED TO SEE HIM!!! He is excited to see her too, and her two small very blonde, very cute sons come to the door, happy to see Brewster is back at home! We chat for a few minutes, they ask how I came to that house, I tell them if it were my dog I would be panicked so I understand.

Can't even remember the owner or neighbor's names. But I remember which house it is. On my way home, I stopped at the older couple's house and let them know the good news. They were very happy for the dog too and we chatted a few minutes (how did I find them, etc.) And then I went home. I was tired, because I am sick this week, I had a turtleneck shirt on and it was oddly humid when I was out looking for the pooch's owner, so I am sweating and tired. But happy!

Before I left the older couple's house, they said I had done my good deed for a while. I felt really good.

Got home and told the other half that my mission had been accomplished and the dog was safely and happily home! He was happy too. And my little pup was happy to see me.

It was a great experience and pushed the point home with me that although I may be a bit of a bleeding heart, it is worth it to have sympathy and concern for others, be they human or animal!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

slightly better

I am actually at work today. Had to stay in bed yesterday or I would have been a heap of goo and of no use to anyone. The nice thing was that I had a cute puppy keeping me company and helping keep the bed warm on my frequent pee breaks. Damned sickness is draining my body of all fluids!

Today I am at work, as I said. My head is clearer in terms of the fogginess. But my chest feels like a large log is squarely planted on it. Time to break out the steroid inhaler. ACK! You know you've already made a friend at the new job when someone is calling you "Typhoid Mary." My supervisor is heaping tea on my desk and offering her cold medicine to me (I think she gave me this plague) and another person brought over disinfecting wipes and purell Monday when I was here. Awwww....I feel so loved.

Today, I left the puppy in the bedroom for the day. Since I have begun working, we have been putting her in the hallway outside the bedroom, blocking off the stairs. We put the crate out there in the morning with all her toys and then close the gate when we are leaving. But she has been not really liking this that much. She doesn't mind being alone, but it's the leaving part that gets her all tense and panicky. We have left her in the actual bedroom a few times for a few hours here and there when we have not been home (movie, errands) but we have not done it all day yet. So today is the trial run. She is a chewer - we call her "The Destructor" and my other half has begun referring to her as "The Unmaker" due to her ability to completely destroy any toy that is not made of solid rubber in a matter of hours. But thankfully she chews on things she is SUPPOSED to chew on - like her toys. She has not taken to chewing on things of ours (yet.) She used to grab socks, any socks that she could get her mouth on. But she seems to have stopped that habit. She did seem happier not to be being put somewhere to be alone all day this morning. We shall see how it works out.

Okay, work to do now. Cross posting to LJ.

Monday, October 16, 2006

*cough, cough, sniffle*

I am sick.

Have evil head cold from hell. Includes: chills and feeling feverish, alternating periods of food hatred and extreme craving for soup or egg pastina, head full of phlegm and a sore nose that is like Rudolph's it is so red.

Came to work, gotta get paid. Getting into bed the moment I get home.

So tired and fuzzy headed.


Friday, October 13, 2006


I was going to post this morning, but I was so tired, I kept forgetting! I now know how spoiled I was being at home for 9 months not having to work. Not that I didn't know I was spoiled, but I am talking specifically about SLEEPING.

I slept how I wanted during that time. I tended towards getting up around 10-ish and going to bed around 2-3 ish. Once we got the puppy though, I would get up around 8 or 9, take her out to do her business, then come back in and try to get back to sleep and I would get out of bed around noon. I would not be sleeping the whole time, not after getting up, walking the dog, eating breakfast and trying to get the pup to settle back down to sleep more. So I would sleep maybe about 1 1/2 hrs more. But I was probably getting 8-10 hours a night on a consistent basis. SPOILED!!! That really is the ideal amount of sleep for me. Not 10 hours EVERY NIGHT, but about 8 solid hours a night and I would be a happy camper.

Well, since I have been working again, getting up earlier every day is hard. That has always been the case for me, I'm not a morning person (never have been, probably never will be.) But since I feel more awake at night, I never get to bed until like 12:00 or 1:00 am. The alarm goes off at 6:50 am (and that will have to be earlier in the winter since parking is ON THE STREET) and so I get maybe 6 1/2 to 7 hours if I am lucky. NOT enough. I end up dragging for half the day. Even worse if I am not able to get breakfast worked in.

Going to bed earlier is the only solution, but it's so hard to actually DO, with checking e-mail and my dog being awake and stuff to do at home at night, and cooking dinner.....I never get to bed until late. *sigh* I just have to DO it. Blah.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Day 2

My eyes are bleary from staring at THREE computer screens all day!

The first belongs to a person here at work who destroyed his machine while illegally downloading music from the internet. Spyware and Adware, gotta love 'em! So I had to totally reformat his machine, install the OS from scratch, delete the partition (thanks Gentle!) and reinstall all his applications, including the Office Suite. Also had to make his desktop all shiny and like it was before, including backing up his My Docs folder and restoring his Outlook archive as well. He will be upset to find out that his music was not able to be saved. I call that Karma (administered by ME, of course!)

The second machine is a laptop that was returned from being repaired. I had to reinstall many of the applications on this one as well, though thankfully no OS install or Office install; the most time-comsuming and cumbersome ones. Also fortunate for me is that I do NOT have to copy his desktop or My Docs folders over to it since this will apparently be a supplemental laptop, rather than the person's primary machine, as I had been told. Yay. Small favors.

The third machine, as you may have guessed, is mine. My work computer humming away with e-mail coming in, getting license keys for software, looking up things on Google (which I think I visit about 5 times a day to look up things for work!) And of course checking my own e-mail and reading my friends journals and blogs during lunch (while eating at my desk, I should say...)

So I thought I would take a moment and update here while I was finishing up at work because I'll be damned if I am going to even LOOK at my computer at home tonight!!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

First post-new blog

This is my blog. There are many like it but this one is mine. My blog is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my blog is useless. Without my blog I am useless. I must write my blog true. I must write more interesting content than my fellow blogger, who is trying to get more traffic. I must be clever before he is clever. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my blog and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of the internet, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no blog, but peace. Amen.