Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wondering why I bother...

Told by SysAdmin to write an e-mail to staff about a new piece of equipment.

I write draft and send to SysAdmin and Boss Guy (because every word has to be approved by both of them.)

Boss Guy thanks me for the draft and says he will "re-work" it.

Sends out draft to us with ENTIRELY DIFFERENT E-MAIL!!!

Why did I waste ten minutes of my day writing a fucking e-mail that he was just going to entirely re-write? WHY?!

Boss Guy tells us a few weeks ago to "take advantage of Summer Hours" being offered by our employer (we get to work a half-hour less for the same pay.) With a caveat that we may occassionally have to stay for maintenance or issues that arise (of course, duh!) Then today, he mentions to SysAdmin (after everyone submits their preferred hours and wants to leave at 4:30 pm, per the Summer Hours policy that we are allowed to follow...) that he is concerned about IT coverage for the building from 4:30 - 5:00 pm.


Did he think that just because I am normally a later person that I would WANT to stay later when I could get out of work at 4:30?! Did he just ASSUME that I would stay later than that?!

I am just W-A-I-T-I-N-G for them to ask me to stay until 5:00 pm for the summer.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

crack, bump, groan, Zzzzz, snap, creak.....

I am feeling a little broken today. A LOT tired and a little broken. I came out of the 4-day event with minimal damage: a long bruise, clearly from a weapon hit, on my right upper arm; a slightly sore eye from being accidentally kicked in the eye; some small bruises here and there and SORE FEET!!!

That is all for now, more later when I have time. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, as the case may be...) my day has already shaped up to be VERY busy.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Am I overreacting?

I think it's hard for non-techies to answer this question because I could ask it by including all the technical details. But I will ask it anyway, without all the techie info.

I tell our database administrator (new character here in my LJ) that I need some info from him because I have to do some server maintenance and then when he replies, he tells me the server needs some maintenance. Not in so many words, but that is the short, non-techie version.

Am I overreacting to get tired of these damn people treating me like I am an idiot? Am I reading too much into what he said to me? Without knowing the guy, you are going to answer that maybe he was being nice and just trying to make suggestions. But it's not like that in IT. IT people are competitive and conceited. They all think they know more than each other. This guy is not super pompous, but he does have a chip on his shoulder. He is somewhat of a know-it-all when it comes to the db he works on, because he worked on this same db at his last job. He talks about that incessantly, "at (other job) we did this, and we did that, and we did this other thing." It drives people here batty. So he does come off like a know-it-all. He came back to me the other day after I FORWARDED a warning email that I received from our IT Security group about a phishing e-mail. It had clickable links in it that were active (on the phishing e-mail itself). It came to me like that, and I sent it out like that. Well, you weren't supposed to click on the links, and the e-mail stated that...IN CAPITALS...TWICE!!! Five minutes after I send the e-mail, he comes over and tells me that the e-mail I just sent has clickable links and that maybe I should have made the links inactive before sending the e-mail. Heh heh. He was chuckling, like heh, heh, oh, duh, you probably should have thought about that first, heh heh. It was like a condescending, pat on the head kind of comment to me. This is the same thing.

I am so goddamn sick of that shit. I don't think I come off as stupid or not knowing what I am talking about. I don't engage in deep conversation about my job and what I do every day with him or my bosses. But I think merely in performing my work, they should be able to gather than I am competent and intelligent and that I understand what I am doing and maybe even more than just what I am doing. Why the hell would I apply to be the System Administrator if I didn't think I had the ability and knowledge to do the job?!

I *LOVE* the people here. LOVE them. CAPITAL L-O-V-E love. The people I work for here (not my bosses; my users, my "customers") are the best group of people I have ever worked for in my life. Real people with real lives, who are mature and understanding and personable and real and not fake and are friendly and talkative and understanding. REAL people. GOOD people. I get thanked for doing my job every day here by the people I work for. I am appreciated, liked, joked with, talked with, asked about, waved hi to. They are nice people. So some of the frustration that I have with my bosses gets mitigated by the great people here.

Maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am hyper-sensitive to being told what to do when I already know what to do. It always makes me feel like the person telling me what to do believes I don't know already. I don't mind with tasks. Assign me a task, sure, I will do it, no problem. But start listing the steps I need to take to accomplish this task when I have not asked for such assistance and I begin to think you think I am an idiot! Similarly, I take action items away from a meeting. Don't begin following up with me on them immediately, because it makes me feel like you don't trust me to get my damn work done! I can LET YOU KNOW when I am done with the assigned tasks, really, I can. I know they are important and need to get done as soon as I can. I don't ask for help much, but when I do, you will know that I really need help!

So I am not sure if I just have to bite the bullet and deal with this stuff (well, yes, I DO have to just deal with it,) or whether I am JUSTIFIED in feeling this way about it all. Am I just being "sensitive Linda"? Or would you also get as frustrated? I just need to feel validated; That it's okay to get pissed off and frustrated; that they are being assholes. I would hate to hear (but will listen if it's the answer) that I am just being reactionary and that they just mean well and are doing their jobs. I should be thankful for the direction and instruction I am being given and thank them for the opportunity. Eeeuuuccchhhhhh! It makes me want to vomit just WRITING it!!

Comments anyone?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dooce love

I love Dooce!!! I love her website! I have been reading Dooce since she became pregnant and was posting weekly belly pics. At least 5 years. When I began reading her site, I read back to the very first post (the first post that is still published anyway). So it becomes hard to remember when I really began reading, because I feel like I have been there from the beginning. I love her husband Jon. I love their daughter Leta. I SUPER love her dog Chuck (and Coco too!).

Over the past week, she has gotten some TV press on NBC's Today Show and then on Nightline. The Today show interview was not what it was supposed to be because it got bumped from its original spot and interviewer. Everyone who has watched Kathie Lee Gifford knows she is sort of a ditz. Whatever. The piece was short and sort of aimless, except to say that Heather has a popular blog on which she writes about being a mom. Factually correct, though lacking a lot of detail.

The Nightline piece was more in depth and was done in her home. I think it was inherently better for that single reason. She was not on a couch in some studio in a city far away from her home and her husband and her daughter, etc. I think it brought out a little of her personality. And I think it touched on her blog and why she does what she does. But it still didn't fully hit the mark. I just think that a mainstream news reporter can't grasp the concept of blogging and the internet and online communities. If you don't experience it, it is a concept that is very hard to describe well. So I think they did a nice job for what they could do. However, I was very dismayed at some of the negative comments posted on the Nightline page for the article for that piece. I just can't believe some of the hate that people spew about stuff that doesn't even affect them about someone they don't even know! People feel threatened by the strangest things. It's not even logical.

I mean, I get mad and write a letter if I feel that a company is using practices that are going to hurt me or other people, physically or financially. I get mad and (sometimes) write people who have very restrictive viewpoints about issues that are important to me (prejudice, choice, glbt issues, religion). But this is someone just talking about HER life on HER website. She doesn't tell people how to behave, that her way is right, that she has found the path to inner peace and salvation, that she is the best mom and everyone needs to follow her lead, that she is the best judge of...anything! She just talks about her life and how it affects her and her family. And people lose their friggin MINDS! I just don't get it.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about Dooce today (yep, I linked it again!) 'Cause I love her. As much as a person who has never met a person but feels like she knows her a little bit because of having daily peeks into her life for the past 6 years can love a person. She inspires me to want to be more creative, more artistic, to write more. I would love to be in a position where I could stay at home and work for a living. Or even to have a blog/website that pays the bills. Woo-to-the-motherfucking-hoo, Dooce! You rock!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Small, but Gross!

I get the puppies all saddled up to go on our morning walk. We get out the front door and I kiss my sweetie goodbye. While I am not looking at them, the smaller pup, Storm, begins rubbing her head on the ground on something. They usually do this on patches of smelly stuff, not too discriminating about what the smelly stuff is. In this case, it was a FRESH puddle of BIRD POOP!!! Yeecchhh!!! So we go on our walk and half her head is white and slimy with bird poop. They do their business and we get back to the house. Before she can TOUCH anything, I scoop her up and take off the harness and whisk her to the bathroom. A warm washcloth with some puppy shampoo to the head manages to take away all the poop. She is miserable as I am doing this because they both dislike the bath thing. I get done and release the hound to go play with her sister.

Let me tell you, BOY IS FRESH BIRD POOP SMELLY!!!!! It smells AWFUL! I will not push the cliche' and say it smells like shit. It doesn't smell like shit. It smells like something very sour and very rotten and very regurgitated. Bleah, bleah, bleah, bleah, bleah! I am shuddering again just thinking about the smell.

That pooch is getting the full on bath tonight!

(yeah, that's her, the tiny cute one...)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

writer's block

I have had writers block this week and last week.

Sort of.

There is stuff flying through my mind. But I don't necessarily want to write about it. Or I do, but I feel like I am just going to recant what I wrote ten minutes ago. I am kind of a mess. Not a bad mess. Sort of. Yeah, I feel a little nuts today.

I have not felt much like writing about the same old damn crap. I am just uninspired.

And cranky.

I am not sure this medication is working for me. We (the psych nurse and I) increased the dose one week ago yesterday and I feel like I am going a little bonkers (and driving my sweetie bonkers, too) since then. On the lower dose I felt.....o-k-a-y. Not bad, but not really better. Nothing appreciable anyway. It's hard when my moods are messed up to notice a difference. Maybe that should be the tell-tale sign that the med ISN'T WORKING, when it's hard to notice a difference. But the past week, I think I do notice a difference. Short fuse, difficulty keeping focused, negative thoughts (more than usual, I think), and more anxiety. I have had tiny lightheaded episodes (by tiny I mean for literally seconds) here and there. Oh and Monday I had WAY too much caffeine!! Two cokes and a cup of tea! I was vibrating by the time I got home. It was super sucky! Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I feel like this icky mood has come on over the past week. Last week, all week, I felt shitty. It started after trying to shop Sunday, but I felt shitty the rest of the week too. And I really don't feel any better this week. I am not necessarily focused on my body image. Just everything else! Bills, work, mini disasters at home - they are setting me WAY off this week. And I am finding it hard to concentrate at work for more than a few minutes.


Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I feel like that may be more than a little factor.

This process is very trying.


Posted to my LJ on May 5th, 2008 at 11:47 pm

Today sucked.

The End