So, I am going to post about depression. This post is protected because I don't need strangers prying into and commenting about my personal issues.
The two articles linked in this post, which I have lifted from the website of the illustrious Dooce (read her site if you a)like to laugh, b) have or have had a small child, c) appreciate bluntness and bizarre observations, or d) like dogs) are two of the best personal accounts of depression and what it feels like that I have read. I have read (or started to read) many books on the subject. I have been to counseling, though I am not seeing a therapist at the moment. I began taking antidepressant medication about 3 1/2 years ago (or so). My moods were really out of control and I would get very upset very quickly (either angry or crying). I was under a tremendous amount of stress at the time, which exacerbated things a lot. The combination of taking the meds along with getting my birth control pill adjusted so that I get my period only 4 times a year (seasonale is the best birth control pill EVER!!!) helped a lot and my moods are mostly settled. Note: the second thing is because I get some really heavy duty PMS based moodiness - bizarre thoughts, enhanced moods, feeling "weird" - PLUS physical PMS symptoms as well.
I have never experienced the "numb", or "dull" feeling that some people who have been on antidepressants describe. I certainly do not feel that way now and have not since I have been on meds.
I was very hesitant to go on meds for one large reason - my mother. My mother has issues. ADD, some OCD, mildly bi-polar, depressive. She has been on meds for several years now. She doesn't acknowledge her conditions as illnesses, never has. It's just "how she is, okay?" She is hard to get along with and it's a crap shoot as to how she will be when you talk to her or see her. Most of the time her world revolves around her. Anyway, I digress...the point is this. I don't want to become her. If I thought I was too much like her, I don't know what I would do. Leave normal society and go be a hermit somewhere. NOT subject the world to me, to that. So, for me, going on meds was just another step towards being like my mother.
But the meds have helped ME and things in MY LIFE, so now I have owned that part of it and there is none of that trepidation any longer.
Why am I talking about all of this? Because I need other people to know. I know some people who have dealt with depression, and some people who have never had to really experience this lovely miasma. It is beyond difficult to explain to someone who does not understand how this is, what it is like, how it feels...and most important WHY. Not why do I have it...WHY can't I get over it, why do I STILL feel this way, WHY can't I just move on.
Please read these two articles and try to understand WHY.